no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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