I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
