I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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