Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
