Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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