i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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