not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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