Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
