I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
