Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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