look no pants
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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