It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
