She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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