Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
