I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
