who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
