an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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