I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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