You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
