It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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