I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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