I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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