Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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