My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i drank out of a bidet.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
