I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
