just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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