Soap is not a condiment
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
