Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Randomize
