Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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