just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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