she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
