whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
