so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
