There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
