you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just blew my weed a kiss
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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