I can text with my tongue
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
