he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
