He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
