when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
