Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
