i was born a porn star she said
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize