Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
