Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
