FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
