i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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