The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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