Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
