Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
