Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
