i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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