Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
