just tell him i said nine months
my being single is dangerous.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
