I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
