I must be too annoying 4 u.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I wear drunk well.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
