I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
