p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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