I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
