This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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