: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
