I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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