I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize