Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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