you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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