I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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