Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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