I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
