She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
