You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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